Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
