you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
