So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
