i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
