apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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