please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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