So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
