I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
