i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
