i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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