Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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