This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
