please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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