He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
