i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
