Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
