my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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