i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
