: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
