drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
