i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My feet surprised me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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