ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
