I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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