He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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