hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
