he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
