He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
