i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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