She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
