So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
