you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
