The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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