Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
