I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
