omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
