that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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