so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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