Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
