Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
