I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
