i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
