What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
