apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
