I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
vagina is talking i cant
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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