he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
