i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
