Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
