dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
