The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
