About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
